I recently had the pleasure, or lack of, of playing Too Human. For an entire day. Before I continue, I’d like to point out that the code was incomplete. I offer this as a caveat, because what I am about to say about the game itself isn’t particularly kind, because frankly, kindness is not a quality it deserves.
Initially ugly and onwardly dull, Too Human, in its present form doesn’t so much suffer an identity crisis as give a knowing nod that it’s simply not very entertaining. What other reason could there be for the poor script, laugh-a-minute voice-acting, and protagonists so poorly modelled and lip-synced as to be singularly unable to imbue its plot with any degree of weight.
Scenes are overplayed, the simple story is overcomplicated with fluffy, nonsensical dialogue, and the whole thing has been put through the beginners sci-fi workshop just a few times too often. Spectacles may only be worn if they emerge from the wearer’s temples and feature matrix code pouring down them, seeing a colleague in his office is accompanied by a trip halfway up a mountain to a floating hologramatic platform, and nothing moves uncloaked in neon, nor accompanied by sound that goes pop, whizz and bang with science.
And then there’s the gameplay itself. Almost totally linear and little more than a twin-stick shooter with levelling up. But, said levelling is made utterly redundant by the fact that your enemies level with you. There was a reason why this system was used in Oblivion: the designers allowed you access to the entire game world right from the off. But in a game like Too Human, which involves mostly running blinkered through the drudgery of hundreds of identical enemies, it serves no purpose other than to make the obligatory faffing with the latest item drops feel like an obligation rather than a pleasure. Too Human is, sadly, not looking promising. But then, in a game that was originally designed for the PSone, what were we all expecting?
I realise I’m a day late to the party with this, but it’s taken 24 hours for the idea to sink in. After writing in our Star Wars issue that I wanted a Guitar Hero: Metallica game to come out, reports have surfaced saying that Activision does indeed have plans to carry this out. Holy sh…For the next hundred words or so, I have decided to throw critical thought out the window and let everyone know this will indeed be the best game ever created. Taking Guitar Hero, a franchise I love, and mixing it with Metallica, a band I love to a scary degree, is better than 99% of dreams I have, including the dirty ones! The Four Horseman, Hit The Lights, Seek & Destroy, Master Of Puppets, Battery, Orion, Through The Never, The Unforgiven… I could literally continue the list all day and every song would be rhythm action gold.If this does indeed come to pass, I may retire from playing any other game. What’s the point when the ultimate has already been created?Taste me you will see, more is all you need. Dedicated to, how I’m…
In what can only be described as the least surprising announcement of the year, Capcom has finally confirmed that Street Fighter IV will be coming to the Xbox 360. Woo!Silly cynicism aside, I’m actually damned pleased it’s now official as if Capcom had decided not to make such a move, it would’ve been downright ridiculous. As good as SF IV will be for the world of arcades, it’s common knowledge that there is practically no scene in the UK and for us Brits to miss out on the awesomeness would just be unfair.So start getting excited and just in case you’re lacking motivation, here’s some new screens to get you going… HUH!
Just a quick one here with very little dilly-dally. Unless that first bit counts as dilly-dally. Which I guess it does. As does this. Gaaargh! JUST SHUT UP HOWDLE!
Beyond Good And Evil 2 is ‘In production’ according to the series designer/producer, Michel Ancel. This fills me with such joy that I’m having to restrain myself lest I climb to the top of Richmond Hill and start twirling around in a tabard, singing about the sound of sweet, sweet music.
Jon Gordon on 360 mag may have blogged this mere minutes before me, but that’s only because I shouted the news across the room at him in a series of snorts and excited whimpers. That, plus the fact that he didn’t have to spend any time ‘Obtaining’ this exclusive first screen.
Just in case the title didn’t give it away, our Grand Theft Auto IV review is now live on this very site! Simply go to the homepage to find it in all its glory or, if you’re extremely lazy, just click HERE to go straight to the review.With only 24 hours to go until its release, you can finally find out whether Rockstar has managed to create the ultimate sequel or stumbled at the final hurdle! Try and guess which one it is…
I’ve been playing wrestling games for years. I still have fond memories of destroying friends at WCW vs. NWO World Tour on the Nintendo 64, and despite people telling me otherwise, I’ve always looked forward to them and anticipated their release. However, as much as I like the current SmackDown series (and I really do!) I do miss the competition or having a choice of pro-wrestling games to play. Back in the day, you could have a quick brawl on Wrestlemania 2000, then try your hand at WCW Mayhem or even waste some time playing ECW Anarchy Rulz. Sure the latter two sucked, but at least there was a choice, and choice is good! Thankfully, in 2008, a new wrestling videogame is ready to unleash itself on the world, and my life! Early impressions seem to indicate TNA Impact! will offer a lovely alternative to SmackDown, meaning jumping between the two is a perfectly acceptable way to live. In the long run, I think it can only mean great things for the genre. Competition has always encouraged companies to up their game, so logic states 2009 will be a great year for wrestling on the Xbox 360. Sure, to many this won’t mean much, but to me, hell, it’s the best news possible!
Well, not technically right now, it’s not out until the 29 April after all, but if you head on over to the Price Grabber shop (and there’s a lovely link at the bottom of this post) you can pre-order it today for only £37.85! So, in future, don’t say your friends at X360 don’t help you out, and, of course, look out for our definitive review which is only a week and a day away! Click here
It’s true that sometimes in life, pain and pleasure must be experienced in equal measure. And without descending too much into the cliche-infused writing style of a teenager (you can’t have one without the other etc… or was that Sinatra?), I’d like to tell you a little of my experiences with Rock Band. We were invited along to soak up everything the game has to offer along with a bunch of other journalists, both from the specialist press and from more mainstream publications (my good friend Nick from The Daily Telegraph made an appearance and rocked the house). And it’s fair to say that this was exactly how Rock Band should be played; in a huge room filled with people of various guitar, vocal and rhythmical abilities jumping in and out of bands quicker than Pete Doherty and under the influence of a bottomless tankard of free ales.
The problems with the product, for me, are twofold. I live on my own… this is a personal choice and is more indicative of my age (the older you get, the more difficult it becomes to tolerate housemates eating your humous) than it is of how badly I smell. Like anyone else, I have nights where a mate or two comes over and we rock out on Guitar Hero II or III or both. But to turn the Rock Band orgasmatron up to 11 really does require four of you, and to be honest, I could count the number of times I’ve had more than two guests in the house, on my manhood. Online play is an option, sure, but what’s the point of that? The whole band feel will be almost entirely lost. This means that those cumbersome peripherals that are battling for living room supremacy with my racing seat will be fighting a losing battle.
And then there’s that price. More cliches becoming difficult to avoid now. Rip-off Britain… blah blah. But get yourself along to www.amazon.com and check out how much the Americans are paying for the full Rock Band experience. At around $150, they’re getting the drums, the mic, one guitar, and, importantly, the game itself. By comparison, we in the UK are paying £129.99 for the same, but without the game, which is another £49.99. This translates to us paying approximately $360 or 106% more than America. Now Harmonix and EA can try and justify this however they like, but no amount of shipping costs or additional taxation can possibly result in a 106% increase in price, in my opinion. And it’s here that I come back to the pain versus pleasure principal, because to be totally frank, the game is almost too damn good. Anyone who’s played Guitar Hero will have had the unique pleasure of connection between themselves and the music normally reserved only for the well-practised musician. This was good with guitars. It’s tenfold with drums.
The drums really are the big selling point and since EA and Harmonix are unlikely to reconsider their outlandish pricing policy, we have a suggestion. Get the game and the drums only… most of you will have guitars already and to be frank, no one really gives a chuff about singing. Our experience of them on the day was initially overwhelming, but it’s simply amazing how quickly your drumming starts to come together and it’s so, so satisfying. What’s more, the drums themselves are built to take any degree of pounding, with our skills and style of play going from school marching band to Animal from the Muppets within the space of an hour. Harmonix is obviously of the opinion that its product is so good that people will pay the Earth for it and while it’s half-right, I’d love to hear your opinions.
There have been a number of highprofile complaints among the interwebs about Microsoft’s alleged decision to cut the amount of money Live Arcade developers receive from around 70% to a reported 35%, with an optional 45% if sales are good. This looks set to be the worst decision since Simon thought “that terrible arm pain just means those reps are beefing me up even more!”
Recent months have seen a collectionofunadulteratedtat filter onto the service, joining the established flood of cheap retro conversions so deep we’re spitting out pixels between breaths. While N+ may have been labelled as simplistic and old-fashioned by some, at least it conforms to Live Arcade’s anti-retail ethos. Besides, it gives us something fresh to look at, and surely that’s a good thing?
Well, it’s not going to happen any longer, since control of what’s good enough has been handed to those same risk-averse publishers flooding the market with fossils. Don’t believe me? Well, let’s look at the numbers. In a recent interview, N+ developers Metanet Software confirmed total development costs of $214,000 to put it all together. Jeff Tunnell of Garage Games once calculated that Marble Blast Ultra, one of the arcade’s biggest titles, sold around 120,000 units (by getting the most terrible score imaginable and seeing how far down the leaderboard he was). Multiplying this by its cost, we can see N+ could theoretically garner around $1.1 million under the current rules. Sounds pretty sweet.
However, if reports are true Metanet would only get $570,000, from which you’ve presumably got to set aside £300,000 for whatever title you’re going to develop next. All this leaves their company earning the equivalent of a one-bedroom flat here in Bournemouth for more than a year’s work. And that’s if your game’s lucky enough to be one of the most popular out there. It’s a wonder anyone survives, it really is.
One thing’s for certain – matters need to be sorted out quickly, otherwise the temptation for good ideas to migrate to services that promise not to swamp smaller developers might prove too great. Join me next week, when I’ll be telling you all how sweet San Francisco was in wholly less serious fashion…
Initially ugly and onwardly dull, Too Human, in its present form doesn’t so much suffer an identity crisis as give a knowing nod that it’s simply not very entertaining. What other reason could there be for the poor script, laugh-a-minute voice-acting, and protagonists so poorly modelled and lip-synced as to be singularly unable to imbue its plot with any degree of weight.
Scenes are overplayed, the simple story is overcomplicated with fluffy, nonsensical dialogue, and the whole thing has been put through the beginners sci-fi workshop just a few times too often. Spectacles may only be worn if they emerge from the wearer’s temples and feature matrix code pouring down them, seeing a colleague in his office is accompanied by a trip halfway up a mountain to a floating hologramatic platform, and nothing moves uncloaked in neon, nor accompanied by sound that goes pop, whizz and bang with science.
And then there’s the gameplay itself. Almost totally linear and little more than a twin-stick shooter with levelling up. But, said levelling is made utterly redundant by the fact that your enemies level with you. There was a reason why this system was used in Oblivion: the designers allowed you access to the entire game world right from the off. But in a game like Too Human, which involves mostly running blinkered through the drudgery of hundreds of identical enemies, it serves no purpose other than to make the obligatory faffing with the latest item drops feel like an obligation rather than a pleasure. Too Human is, sadly, not looking promising. But then, in a game that was originally designed for the PSone, what were we all expecting?
